Saturday, February 23, 2013

I am having a difficult time not being able to talk to my mom everyday.  The car rides home from work everyday our one of the worst.  That's when I would call and speak to her everyday.  And today, Saturday, I woke up and was letting the pups out and feed them and the cat.  And I wanted to talk to my mom, so I had this burst of energy and did laundry and cleaned to get me through the pull of needing to talk to her.  I am praying for this ache to go away and believing it will, it just takes time. 

This week, I came to a realization for me.  During my conversations with my mom, I always heard about the good she did.  But at her funeral, I actually got to see the proof.  My mom taught adults how to read, to help them succeed.  I met three of her students that day.  I was so proud to be her daughter, proud of my mother and proud of her students.  But it has made me ponder.  Am I doing enough for the Lord?  And I am coming to the answer no.   There are a ton of excuses that come, we just changed churches, I work late, I have to have time for my family.  But I keep asking myself is my faith dead because there is no action?   I wittness to my co workers but outside of everything I am not serving.  I think that's my issue, I need to be serving somewhere. 

My mothers whole life was about serving.  I want and need to make a change.  I want to make a difference like my mother.  I am amazed by her.    For goodness sake the mayor of my hometown named February 5, 2013 Gladys Elanore Winton Day.  You go mama!

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Teresa Winton Chism

February 10

This is the letter I wrote and read at my moms funeral:

My Perfect Mother for Me

Today is a day full of different emotions for me. A sad grieving time because I have lost more than a mother. My mama was not perfect but she is a perfect mom for me. When I was little, it was snuggling after bath time and reading. She made it so I never noticed at a young age, how bad times may have been for our... family. She was my voice, and always stuck up for me. She did her best to shield me from any worry. Even to the end it was about my siblings and I and her grand babies making sure we knew that her time had come and it was ok. That we were going to be ok. She is my perfect for me protective mother.

Into my teen years we had a rocky relationship, but she never gave up on me. No matter what I said to her, she kept loving me. She is my perfect for me unconditional loving mother.

Because of bad things in my past, I had an internal conflict with God. But she did whatever she could to keep God in my present. I believe she clung to the verse Proverbs 22:6 for me and my brothers and sister. " Direct your children onto the right path and when they are older, they will not leave it." She had a faith in God that was strong, no matter her odds she kept believing. She passed her faith to her children and others, and I have given that same faith in Jesus Christ to my son, Chaz, and to others I know. So every life I touch and every life my son touches is because of my mom. She is my perfect for me believing mother.

My mom raised all five of us on her own. She worked sometimes three jobs to try to keep food on the table. I remember being scared in the wee hours of the morning when she went to make sandwiches, then she would come home and she and I would deliver newspapers, then we would walk to school together and I started kindergarten and she started working her crossing guard job at my elementary school. My mom worked hard because she worked as she was working for the Lord. She is my perfect for me hard working mother.

My mother always put her children first. Sacrificing for us, giving up her wants and even sometimes her needs so we could have or do things. I didn't always get everything but she tried really hard. She always made it work some how. She is my perfect for me sacrificing mother.

My mother had a compassionate servants heart. She was always volunteering at church, running things so kids could experience Jesus. She picked up hitch hikers and helped them, and she gave to others even when we didn't have much. Even her job was about serving others, helping others to succeed. She is my perfect for me servant and compassionate mother.

In my adult hood, I decided to work on my relationship with my mom, to work on me to try to become a better daughter and grow our friendship. She became my friend, my encourager, she supported me, prayed with me, hugged me and believed in me. She is perfect for me mother and friend.

I was able to make it home and say goodbye, she gave me the best compliment she told me I am a lot like her. See all these characteristics I have mentioned became a part of me without me even knowing it. She didn't just say things to me to teach me, she showed me by living her life out loud. I am a strong, compassionate, hard working, an unconditional loving mother, who protects her own. And I am believer in Jesus Christ and I owe it to my perfect mother for me.

So I am grieving but I am celebrating her life. Philippians 3:14 , says I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. My mom has pressed on and finally won her race. Because of our shared faith in Jesus Christ I will see my mom again.

So I am grateful for the precious gift that the Lord gave to me. He not only knew what I would need but who I would need as a mother. I will always miss my perfect mother for me.

Love, Teresa