I am having a difficult time not being able to talk to my mom everyday. The car rides home from work everyday our one of the worst. That's when I would call and speak to her everyday. And today, Saturday, I woke up and was letting the pups out and feed them and the cat. And I wanted to talk to my mom, so I had this burst of energy and did laundry and cleaned to get me through the pull of needing to talk to her. I am praying for this ache to go away and believing it will, it just takes time.
This week, I came to a realization for me. During my conversations with my mom, I always heard about the good she did. But at her funeral, I actually got to see the proof. My mom taught adults how to read, to help them succeed. I met three of her students that day. I was so proud to be her daughter, proud of my mother and proud of her students. But it has made me ponder. Am I doing enough for the Lord? And I am coming to the answer no. There are a ton of excuses that come, we just changed churches, I work late, I have to have time for my family. But I keep asking myself is my faith dead because there is no action? I wittness to my co workers but outside of everything I am not serving. I think that's my issue, I need to be serving somewhere.
My mothers whole life was about serving. I want and need to make a change. I want to make a difference like my mother. I am amazed by her. For goodness sake the mayor of my hometown named February 5, 2013 Gladys Elanore Winton Day. You go mama!
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Teresa Winton Chism
February 10
This is the letter I wrote and read at my moms funeral:
My Perfect Mother for Me
Today is a day full of different emotions for me. A sad grieving time because I have lost more than a mother. My mama was not perfect but she is a perfect mom for me. When I was little, it was snuggling after bath time and reading. She made it so I never noticed at a young age, how bad times may have been for our... family. She was my voice, and always stuck up for me. She did her best to shield me from any worry. Even to the end it was about my siblings and I and her grand babies making sure we knew that her time had come and it was ok. That we were going to be ok. She is my perfect for me protective mother.
Into my teen years we had a rocky relationship, but she never gave up on me. No matter what I said to her, she kept loving me. She is my perfect for me unconditional loving mother.
Because of bad things in my past, I had an internal conflict with God. But she did whatever she could to keep God in my present. I believe she clung to the verse Proverbs 22:6 for me and my brothers and sister. " Direct your children onto the right path and when they are older, they will not leave it." She had a faith in God that was strong, no matter her odds she kept believing. She passed her faith to her children and others, and I have given that same faith in Jesus Christ to my son, Chaz, and to others I know. So every life I touch and every life my son touches is because of my mom. She is my perfect for me believing mother.
My mom raised all five of us on her own. She worked sometimes three jobs to try to keep food on the table. I remember being scared in the wee hours of the morning when she went to make sandwiches, then she would come home and she and I would deliver newspapers, then we would walk to school together and I started kindergarten and she started working her crossing guard job at my elementary school. My mom worked hard because she worked as she was working for the Lord. She is my perfect for me hard working mother.
My mother always put her children first. Sacrificing for us, giving up her wants and even sometimes her needs so we could have or do things. I didn't always get everything but she tried really hard. She always made it work some how. She is my perfect for me sacrificing mother.
My mother had a compassionate servants heart. She was always volunteering at church, running things so kids could experience Jesus. She picked up hitch hikers and helped them, and she gave to others even when we didn't have much. Even her job was about serving others, helping others to succeed. She is my perfect for me servant and compassionate mother.
In my adult hood, I decided to work on my relationship with my mom, to work on me to try to become a better daughter and grow our friendship. She became my friend, my encourager, she supported me, prayed with me, hugged me and believed in me. She is perfect for me mother and friend.
I was able to make it home and say goodbye, she gave me the best compliment she told me I am a lot like her. See all these characteristics I have mentioned became a part of me without me even knowing it. She didn't just say things to me to teach me, she showed me by living her life out loud. I am a strong, compassionate, hard working, an unconditional loving mother, who protects her own. And I am believer in Jesus Christ and I owe it to my perfect mother for me.
So I am grieving but I am celebrating her life. Philippians 3:14 , says I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. My mom has pressed on and finally won her race. Because of our shared faith in Jesus Christ I will see my mom again.
So I am grateful for the precious gift that the Lord gave to me. He not only knew what I would need but who I would need as a mother. I will always miss my perfect mother for me.
Love, Teresa
February 10
This is the letter I wrote and read at my moms funeral:
My Perfect Mother for Me
Today is a day full of different emotions for me. A sad grieving time because I have lost more than a mother. My mama was not perfect but she is a perfect mom for me. When I was little, it was snuggling after bath time and reading. She made it so I never noticed at a young age, how bad times may have been for our... family. She was my voice, and always stuck up for me. She did her best to shield me from any worry. Even to the end it was about my siblings and I and her grand babies making sure we knew that her time had come and it was ok. That we were going to be ok. She is my perfect for me protective mother.
Into my teen years we had a rocky relationship, but she never gave up on me. No matter what I said to her, she kept loving me. She is my perfect for me unconditional loving mother.
Because of bad things in my past, I had an internal conflict with God. But she did whatever she could to keep God in my present. I believe she clung to the verse Proverbs 22:6 for me and my brothers and sister. " Direct your children onto the right path and when they are older, they will not leave it." She had a faith in God that was strong, no matter her odds she kept believing. She passed her faith to her children and others, and I have given that same faith in Jesus Christ to my son, Chaz, and to others I know. So every life I touch and every life my son touches is because of my mom. She is my perfect for me believing mother.
My mom raised all five of us on her own. She worked sometimes three jobs to try to keep food on the table. I remember being scared in the wee hours of the morning when she went to make sandwiches, then she would come home and she and I would deliver newspapers, then we would walk to school together and I started kindergarten and she started working her crossing guard job at my elementary school. My mom worked hard because she worked as she was working for the Lord. She is my perfect for me hard working mother.
My mother always put her children first. Sacrificing for us, giving up her wants and even sometimes her needs so we could have or do things. I didn't always get everything but she tried really hard. She always made it work some how. She is my perfect for me sacrificing mother.
My mother had a compassionate servants heart. She was always volunteering at church, running things so kids could experience Jesus. She picked up hitch hikers and helped them, and she gave to others even when we didn't have much. Even her job was about serving others, helping others to succeed. She is my perfect for me servant and compassionate mother.
In my adult hood, I decided to work on my relationship with my mom, to work on me to try to become a better daughter and grow our friendship. She became my friend, my encourager, she supported me, prayed with me, hugged me and believed in me. She is perfect for me mother and friend.
I was able to make it home and say goodbye, she gave me the best compliment she told me I am a lot like her. See all these characteristics I have mentioned became a part of me without me even knowing it. She didn't just say things to me to teach me, she showed me by living her life out loud. I am a strong, compassionate, hard working, an unconditional loving mother, who protects her own. And I am believer in Jesus Christ and I owe it to my perfect mother for me.
So I am grieving but I am celebrating her life. Philippians 3:14 , says I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. My mom has pressed on and finally won her race. Because of our shared faith in Jesus Christ I will see my mom again.
So I am grateful for the precious gift that the Lord gave to me. He not only knew what I would need but who I would need as a mother. I will always miss my perfect mother for me.
Love, Teresa
Monday, January 21, 2013
Seeking Gods Wisdom First
James 1:5 NLT
5 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.
The first person I seek out when I dont know what to do is usually my husband. I wish I could say its always God first. There has been times when it is God but more times than not its my hubby or a close friend. .
Things become complicated because this world is complicated. Things happen, circumstances are made sometimes of my own doing and I face complicated decisions. I am thankful that I have a resource thats available at all times. God, the source of all wisdom, invites us to share our dilemmas with him. He makes his wisdom available to us. I like that thought , that truth. He invites me to share whatever is on my heart.
In order to take full adavantage of this opportunity, I have to forget about what I want or what I think should happen and let God guide me. More times than not I go to others because I want someone to agree with me. Or I want someone to make me feel good about my decisions. But it does not work with God this way. I have to fully trust and rely on him to guide me, and totally empty myself of my own wisdom. Its hard, because I can be pretty stubborn.
When I eventually talk to God, I love that I can do just that, talk. Talk out the pros and cons of whatever the situation may be knowing he hears me. He works in my mind and heart then. I just wish I would make it my first response to run to him. If I want wisdom all I need to do is ask. Removing my own wisdom is hard. But when I eventually do, I have this ah ha moment and think why didn't I go to him first. So I think as this new year is moving foward, I want to come out stronger by going to God first.
5 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.
The first person I seek out when I dont know what to do is usually my husband. I wish I could say its always God first. There has been times when it is God but more times than not its my hubby or a close friend. .
Things become complicated because this world is complicated. Things happen, circumstances are made sometimes of my own doing and I face complicated decisions. I am thankful that I have a resource thats available at all times. God, the source of all wisdom, invites us to share our dilemmas with him. He makes his wisdom available to us. I like that thought , that truth. He invites me to share whatever is on my heart.
In order to take full adavantage of this opportunity, I have to forget about what I want or what I think should happen and let God guide me. More times than not I go to others because I want someone to agree with me. Or I want someone to make me feel good about my decisions. But it does not work with God this way. I have to fully trust and rely on him to guide me, and totally empty myself of my own wisdom. Its hard, because I can be pretty stubborn.
When I eventually talk to God, I love that I can do just that, talk. Talk out the pros and cons of whatever the situation may be knowing he hears me. He works in my mind and heart then. I just wish I would make it my first response to run to him. If I want wisdom all I need to do is ask. Removing my own wisdom is hard. But when I eventually do, I have this ah ha moment and think why didn't I go to him first. So I think as this new year is moving foward, I want to come out stronger by going to God first.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
PRESSING ON!!
Philipians 3:12-14 12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Turning my race into a chase, what if that was always my motivation. I will win my race no matter if I ran well or not. Its the chasing after God that matters! I am a great multi-tasker. But sometimes I feel through all the multi-tasking I have lost my zeal. God has given me the grace and mercy to get not only get through but come out victorious. I need to push through the dread and the difficulty. I am not defeated, I have the power of the ressuerction to rely on. DO NOT LIVE IN DEFEAT!
Here lately, I have wanted to just throw in the towel, but i know well enough not to and God's word tells me not too give up on meeting with each other. Finding a church after you have been hurt by one is difficult. Difficult to even want to move on. It feels like I am paralyzed sometimes. But I am pressing on and chasing after God. God is telling me to breath and to fully rely on him. Press in to him through this difficult time. I am going through a difficult circumstance but I will see God's glory and experience him! There is hope in that. I come waiting here for YOU Lord! Waiting and expecting! Jesus you are worth my chase!!
Turning my race into a chase, what if that was always my motivation. I will win my race no matter if I ran well or not. Its the chasing after God that matters! I am a great multi-tasker. But sometimes I feel through all the multi-tasking I have lost my zeal. God has given me the grace and mercy to get not only get through but come out victorious. I need to push through the dread and the difficulty. I am not defeated, I have the power of the ressuerction to rely on. DO NOT LIVE IN DEFEAT!
Here lately, I have wanted to just throw in the towel, but i know well enough not to and God's word tells me not too give up on meeting with each other. Finding a church after you have been hurt by one is difficult. Difficult to even want to move on. It feels like I am paralyzed sometimes. But I am pressing on and chasing after God. God is telling me to breath and to fully rely on him. Press in to him through this difficult time. I am going through a difficult circumstance but I will see God's glory and experience him! There is hope in that. I come waiting here for YOU Lord! Waiting and expecting! Jesus you are worth my chase!!
Sunday, July 22, 2012
BLOGGING AGAIN!!
I have not blogged in several years. But I have had the urge to do blog again more than once. It hit me tonight, when I was encouraging a girl to believe Gods words about her heart and worth in the eyes of God. Not to let others speak into her what is not from God. Hard to do at her young age. It has brought me back to memories of how I viewed myself as a teenage girl. I so do not want anyone especially a girl to feel unworthy. A girls heart matters! It can be crushed so easily. People judge on the outside apperance but God judges from the heart. 1 Sam 16:7
As parents we need to watch the words we speak into our children. I am guilty! Just a week or so ago, harsh words flew out of my mouth to my teenage son out of frustration with his listening teenage listening skills while driving. UUGGHHH! It has sent me to my knees in repentance. And asking my son's forgiveness. It's an ugly truth to admit, but it happened and I hurt his heart. Words can hurt, but words can also heal when they are spoken in love. I am thankful for forgivenes, unconditional love and second chances.
As parents we need to watch the words we speak into our children. I am guilty! Just a week or so ago, harsh words flew out of my mouth to my teenage son out of frustration with his listening teenage listening skills while driving. UUGGHHH! It has sent me to my knees in repentance. And asking my son's forgiveness. It's an ugly truth to admit, but it happened and I hurt his heart. Words can hurt, but words can also heal when they are spoken in love. I am thankful for forgivenes, unconditional love and second chances.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
PassPort2Purity
OK I am realizing I am a bit of a control freak when it comes to our son. My poor hubby. This weekend is where my hubby and son have been gone to talk about true love waiting. We got this study, I guess who would call it , called Passport2Purity from our church. It is an awesome adventure and weekend for them. Since we decided to do it, I have let Steve have the reins because it's something fathers do with sons and moms do with daughters. Can I say no fair!! I only have a son! And yes, I feel left out of the loop!! Because I knew I would be this way from the get go I left it to my hubby to prepare and plan. And the night before they were to leave I hit the panic button!!! Because I felt so in the dark! But he did a fabulous job, I think!!! They are there right now. I am praying it resonates in our son's heart. There are a lot of hands on examples. I can't wait to hear from my hubby. As parents we each got to write a letter to him, but I still am so missing out!! But I truly believe it is best!!! They talk about some pretty tough guy issues as well. It was tough to let go and let God!!! I am sure the three of them as my friend told me are having a growing moment. (Father, Son, and God)
EXCITED
I am so excited!!!!! I am leading my first bible study!!! Get out of that Pit by Beth Moore. I am so excited yet so nervous. I thought it would be a video like all the others, but it is just the book with questions. NO VIDEO!!! PANIC BUTTON!!! God is definitely going to have to show up!! Praying God takes me out of it and its all him. Love that I am trusting God for it!! We have had our first study. It was great!! I am thankful for these group of women. There were some light bulb moments already. So I am excited to see God moving.
Here is a little of what I learned. Your not supposed to be content in a pit and some things were not meant to be accepted. And don't make the best of it, get out!!! A neat fresh word, Beth Moore wrote it like this: When Christ said, Come follow me, inherent in His invitation to come was the equivalent invitation to leave. It never dawned on me. I love getting a fresh light bulb moment.
No matter where we go a pit always fits. We may think changing the situation will do, but we still live in the same old pit. We just change the scenery and redecorate it, but we still live in the same old pit. Ans sometimes it is the familiarity of it that we would.' think of moving on without it.
A pit isn't always one of sin. Your in a pit when you feel stuck. Psalm 40: 2a describes a pit, He lifted me out of the slimy pit out of the mud and mire... So stuck you can't get yourself out of it. It only gets deeper no maintenance level in a pit. In a pit you can't stand up. You have to take Your stand against the real enemy satan!! No one can do it for you, if I want to be victorious I have to stand with my own two feet on solid ground! a pit is satan's grave for us. If I fall into it, satan can not make me stay but ironically neither will God make me leave. That hit home to me. That it is up to me to make the choice. Sometimes we have to put forth the effort, instead of waiting for God to just do it with the glorious glowing light and angels singing, AHHH AHHH !!!
And you loose your vision. We are convinced there is no where else to go. We focus so much on the pit that we forget to look up!! Look up!!! When we set our feet on the rock its allows us to the enemy's activity around us.
Here is a little of what I learned. Your not supposed to be content in a pit and some things were not meant to be accepted. And don't make the best of it, get out!!! A neat fresh word, Beth Moore wrote it like this: When Christ said, Come follow me, inherent in His invitation to come was the equivalent invitation to leave. It never dawned on me. I love getting a fresh light bulb moment.
No matter where we go a pit always fits. We may think changing the situation will do, but we still live in the same old pit. We just change the scenery and redecorate it, but we still live in the same old pit. Ans sometimes it is the familiarity of it that we would.' think of moving on without it.
A pit isn't always one of sin. Your in a pit when you feel stuck. Psalm 40: 2a describes a pit, He lifted me out of the slimy pit out of the mud and mire... So stuck you can't get yourself out of it. It only gets deeper no maintenance level in a pit. In a pit you can't stand up. You have to take Your stand against the real enemy satan!! No one can do it for you, if I want to be victorious I have to stand with my own two feet on solid ground! a pit is satan's grave for us. If I fall into it, satan can not make me stay but ironically neither will God make me leave. That hit home to me. That it is up to me to make the choice. Sometimes we have to put forth the effort, instead of waiting for God to just do it with the glorious glowing light and angels singing, AHHH AHHH !!!
And you loose your vision. We are convinced there is no where else to go. We focus so much on the pit that we forget to look up!! Look up!!! When we set our feet on the rock its allows us to the enemy's activity around us.
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